Five years ago, I wrote a blog post about drunkmares.
What are the drunkmares I hear you ask: They are nightmares where I drink alcohol.
I then wake up, and for about 8 soul destroying seconds, I think that I’ve actually fallen off the wagon. For 8 seconds I believe that I’ve undone almost 8.5 years of sobriety.
I used to have drunkmares quite often, but these days they don’t seem to happen. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I had one.
I think alcohol has become so far from my thoughts that it can’t even penetrate my dreams anymore.
The thing that used to be the centre of my universe has now been expelled from my subconscious.
Obviously, I know I can’t be complacent. I know that one day I might have another drunkmare, or worse – a craving. And I know what I need to do if the latter happens; talk to my circle and not bottle it up.
But I wanted to share this update with those who are at the beginning of their recovery journey.
Not everyone will be the same, but for me, the cravings and thoughts about alcohol have tailed off over time.
Even when I’ve been tested with bad news, stressful situations or setbacks – I’ve not been tempted to reach for the bottle. And I’m extremely grateful for that.
I guess this post is about hope. There is hope for everyone who crosses paths with the demon that is alcoholism.
And there is life on the other side.
Thanks for reading and take care, Toby x
Recovery Boy 
great post as always.
I still have recurring drunkmares (5 years on after my last drink) The immense guilt I feel when I wake up followed by instant relief after realising I haven’t succumbed
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congratulations.
I followed you as my partner was on the downward.
He was well into recovery, more than at the time I realised, when he had a head trip fall down steps. Died 10 days later from hospital caught sepsis, covid and others I William Harvey.
Genuinely proud of you and your family support.
Michael
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