I Will Not Be Caged By My Recovery

I know full well how sneaky, conniving and unpredictable addiction can be. So I know I must always be on my toes. I can never let myself become complacent.

A craving can come completely out of the blue or be attached to my emotions, but it can also be brought on by change. Changes to my routine or my life in general.

This year has seen massive changes to my life and none bigger than the move I’m about to make to the other end of the country! I’m moving to Leeds to work at ITV Calendar and I couldn’t be happier or prouder.

However, now more than ever, I need to be on my toes. This is a good change to my life, but any change leaves the door slightly ajar for my addictive nature to try and wrestle back control.

You’re probably thinking why? Well, it all boils down to trait number one of an addict – anything and everything is an excuse to drink. Therefore, for the alcoholic part of my head, a huge change to my life, like moving to Leeds, is an equally big reason to drink.

The difference between now and my years of relapsing is that I now know a craving could hit me through this change to my life and I know that I need to talk to someone about it if it does. Before I would just bottle it up until I snapped. And I would eventually snap.

I also know that cravings don’t last forever, they do pass. Talking to someone about a craving I am having puts it into perspective. I am fortunate that I don’t get them much at all these days. But I know that this could change, and I’m ready for it if it does.

What I am trying to say is, I know that big changes to my life could possibly come side by side with cravings. I am a recovering alcoholic and its part of my life forever. But I won’t be caged by my recovery and change is needed for progression.

I know that if I’m on my toes and use all the tools of recovery I have in my armoury – everything will be okay. I might not even get cravings but it’s always better to be aware than unaware.

This year I started saying yes to every opportunity that came my way, disregarding the change that would ensue because I know I am prepared. And I haven’t looked back since.

A life in recovery from addiction doesn’t have to be a life of tiptoeing and restraints. I used to think it did. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Thank you so much for reading,

Toby