Today marks a year since I started writing this blog – and what a year it has been! So this blog post isn’t like my usual kind of blog post. This is a post about the people that had an enormous say in me surviving alcoholism.
The people who never gave up on me, even when I gave them the reason to time and time again. The people who dragged me back up on to my feet when alcohol had once again beat me into submission. The people who sat by my hospital bed for the hundredth time and listened to me repeat those same old words – “I’m sorry, this time I’ll beat it – I promise”. The people who begged the alcohol services to fight for a place in rehab for me. The people who are far better people than me. The people who I am forever indebted to. My family.
All the pain I endured during my battle – they felt double. All the disappointment I felt in myself – they felt double. All the tears I shed – they shed double. But when my last flicker of hope was all but extinguished, they carried the torch for me.
When you are really in amongst the shitstorm of addiction its easy to forget that whatever pain you are going through, those who love you are feeling that same pain but worse. Because on top of the pain of watching their loved one drink themselves to death, they are also feeling completely helpless. I can not think of a worse kind of torture you can put your family through than these two elements combined.
It was down to me to stop drinking and stay sober. And that is something I’m extremely proud of. But my family are my rock and always have been. Without them, my time may have ran out before I put the jigsaw pieces of recovery together. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Mum, Dad, Joe, Gemma, Charlie, Jay and all of my amazing uncles, aunties, cousins and friends who sent me their love and support.
At times I wanted to distance myself from my family as much as I could. I was ashamed of myself and the huge burden I had become. But now I realise that you must absorb as much support as you can in order to beat addiction. The main element of ‘not drinking’ is obviously down to you – but the support of others can go a hell of a long way.
Now I know that I am incredibly lucky to have the family I have. I know that there are countless people out there struggling with addiction who don’t have a family like mine. Or don’t have a family at all. If that’s you – you must use every resource that’s available to guide you through the storm. They must be your family. By this I mean AA, NA, CA, SMART groups, alcohol support workers or whatever support meetings you can find that you feel comfortable in. Or even drop me a message, I will be happy to help if I can.
It’s YOU who has to stop and it’s YOU who has to maintain sobriety, but you simply have to use any help that’s available. If you don’t have a family this becomes even more important. Something that resembles a family could be the final step you need to take to get you over that hill and on to a better, sober life.
I hope you are all having a lovely Christmas and thank you so much for reading.
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