Almost everyone knows someone who struggles with alcohol. But if you’ve not battled the addiction yourself, it can be hard to fully understand what fighting alcoholism feels like.
So, I want share a glimpse of what it’s like when you are completely and utterly powerless over booze.
There are two stages of alcohol addiction. There’s the mental side, and then there’s the physical side.
The mental side comes first. You become mentally addicted to alcohol. Then, after consistently drinking high quantities of alcohol everyday for a long period of time – you become physically addicted too.
In simple terms; your body becomes so used to having booze in your system, it reacts when it’s starved of it.
Those reactions are called delirium tremens (severe alcohol withdrawals). I’ve gone cold turkey before and suffered severe hallucinations and seizures.
The first time I suffered hallucinations I ended up running towards traffic on a duel carriageway because I thought someone was trying to kill me.
But I was lucky. These withdrawals can kill you. You can die from a seizure and the withdrawals can affect your heart.
The above is the reason why anyone who is physically addicted to alcohol should never suddenly stop drinking completely.
Sounds crazy right? But that’s the reality. It’s very dangerous to go cold turkey. You must seek medical advice.
The other option is to wean yourself off alcohol, but anyone who has suffered alcoholism will tell you this is extremely difficult.
Many years ago, whilst waiting for a place at a detox centre, my mum had to feed me vodka as if it was medicine – because it was too dangerous for me to stop drinking.
How my mum found the strength to do that, I will never know. But that’s what alcohol addiction does – it doesn’t just destroy your life, it destroys your loved ones lives too.
In 2015 I nearly died after my liver gave up. I turned yellow and ended up in hospital for a month.
The months leading up to that were the worst of my life. I remember being in hospital and being the happiest I’d been in years.
I knew I might die, but I didn’t cry once. I was just happy to be sober and in a safe place. I didn’t care either way at that point.
Everyday in the lead up to that was hell. I would wake up in my flat at 4 or 5 in the morning. I can’t even describe the pain I would feel in my stomach.
I’d shake uncontrollably from the withdrawals before throwing up. But this wouldn’t be normal sick. It would be blood and bile.
Surprisingly, throwing up blood and bile would give me about a 2 minute window of feeling slightly better.
If I didn’t have any alcohol or money, I’d call an ambulance and prey they would take me to hospital and give me detox.
At this point, I would be terrified. Terrified of having a seizure alone in my flat, or the hallucinations kicking in.
I will never forget the hallucinations. For me, they were the scariest part of addiction.
If I was lucky, I’d get a detox. A medical detox is where you’re given a drug in hospital that tricks your body into thinking it is still receiving alcohol.
The doctors then wean you off the medication over the course of about 6 days. This effectively takes away the physical part of the alcohol addiction and gives you a fresh chance of staying sober without having to worry about the withdrawals.
It was a lifeline for me and gave me another crack at getting sober.
Being addicted to alcohol is hard enough. But when you become physically addicted, you become trapped.
If you stop drinking you’re likely to have a seizure, hallucinate or worse. If you carry on drinking you’re sprinting to an early grave.
It’s a viscous, dangerous cycle that’s painfully hard to break.
So, there’s a glimpse into the life of an alcoholic. It’s not as easy as just putting the bottle down.
It’s a disease. A disease that poisons your body and mind. A disease that has a soul purpose to destroy your life and kill you.
But, like I’ve said many times before, it’s not a terminal disease.
I’m proof of that. If I can break free and live life to the fullest again, anyone can.
Thank you for reading and take care. Toby.
Recovery Boy 